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Surviving Lockdown With A Baby Through SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS

When I found out I was pregnant and worked out when my maternity leave would be, I was super excited. And not just about the baby. While on maternity leave there would be an Olympics and the Euros, two major sporting events that I normally only get to watch bits of, and I would get to watch it all – or, you know, have it on in the background while wrangling a small baby.

And then – coronavirus! Which has conspired to ruin literally every plan I had for my maternity leave, including the more minor plans regarding televisual entertainment (although in fairness, BT also had a good stab at ruining those plans before coronavirus even really arrived on these shores).

Coupled with this, over the last six to eight weeks or so, Little Man has gone from a baby who often fusses with a bad tummy, to a Mega Fuss Machine 3.0, who is just so grumpy and fussy that it’s basically impossible to follow anything happening on TV when he’s in the room. Even when he’s in a good mood he now just shrieks. Apparently, he enjoys shrieking. So, given that he’s also not sleeping well, we are really struggling to watch anything other than nature documentaries. And, honestly, if you can’t actually hear the dulcet tones of Sir David Attenborough, is it even worth it?

So – how to survive lockdown with a baby?

Well, recently the Bundesliga returned! Actual real-life football, the perfect entertainment for looking after a grumpy baby, where you don’t need to hear the commentary to follow the plot. Except, obviously, we couldn’t watch it because the days of football betting available on terrestrial TV are long since gone.

So, we’ve cracked and got a subscription to BT Sport, and I’m now rapidly becoming aquatinted with the various teams and players of the Bundesliga. Thank God we have something we can watch (but not hear) while endlessly bouncing the wee man on one knee. It’s the perfect solution for lockdown with a baby.

You can read more about my experiences in lockdown with a baby here!

surviving lockdown with a baby through sports sports sports - the sickly mama blog

coronavirus · Just for fun · pop culture · Uncategorized

Which ‘Friends’ Character Each Country Would Be, Based On Their Response To The Coronavirus Pandemic

Can you tell I’ve been watching too much Netflix?

1. China – Ross Geller

Did China have a moral responsibility to warn the international community sooner about the threat of the emerging coronavirus? Well, some people think so. But China disagrees. Perhaps because they were ON A BREAK.

Like that time where Ross decided not to tell Rachel they were still married, China kept Covid 19 on the down low, presumably hoping that the problem would somehow just go away of its own accord. And, just like Ross and his history of unwise marital choices, China too has previous for this kind of behaviour (cough cough SARS cover-up, 2002).

2. South Korea – Monica Geller

China’s little sister used to be much bigger, but lost a bunch of weight landmass to the Communists at the end of the Second World War.

South Korea has kept its coronavirus death toll low through a rigorous programme of testing, treating and tracing contacts, plus social distancing measures. This is exactly the kind of country that’s obsessed with hygiene and has 11 categories of towels.

3. United Kingdom – Chandler Bing

No-one knows what Chandler’s job actually is, and similarly no-one really knows what the UK government was doing with all the time it had to prepare for the impact of coronavirus. Even the Prime Minister treated Covid 19 as an opportunity to crack tasteless jokes… How very Chandler Bing. Many experts now believe the UK will be one of the worst-affected European nations. Could we BE any worse at responding to a global pandemic?

If only the pandemic had taken place during a later season of Friends, the UK might have benefited more from the shining example of Monica/South Korea. Unfortunately, we’re still in the early seasons, with the UK in a co-dependent relationship with Joey…

4. United States – Joey Tribbiani

The USA’s response to coronavirus can best be described as… confused. Like the time that Joey got fired from Days Of Our Lives for claiming that he wrote all his own lines, Donald Trump has been called out for spreading fake news about coronavirus, such as saying that it’s a hoax and that one day the virus will just disappear “like a miracle”.

Germany reacted furiously when 200,000 American-made protective masks destined for Berlin mysteriously disappeared en route, and there are suspicions that the US government redirected them for its own purposes. I guess the United States DOESN’T SHARE FOOD PERSONAL PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT.

Could the US have done a better job addressing the pandemic? Well, at this juncture, it’s a moo point.

5. Italy – Rachel Green

Just like when a night of unexpected passion between Ross and Rachel resulted in a surprise (Emma), Italy’s unexpectedly close relationship with China may have resulted in a surprise spike in Covid 19 cases in the northern regions of Italy, which have a high number of Chinese workers. Where are those workers employed? Why, just like Rachel, they work in the fashion and textile industry. And it’s increasingly clear that China/Ross and Italy/Rachel have a pretty messed up relationship

6. New Zealand – Phoebe

Phoebe cares a lot. That’s why she’s a vegetarian and shops at flea markets. And that’s why she’s New Zealand, which has pursued a highly-praised policy of eliminating Covid 19 transmission completely within its borders. Plus, Prime Minister Jacinda Adern gave a very Phoebe-esque speech assuring children that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are considered key workers and thus would not be affected by the lockdown. And she finished up by singing a song about a foul-smelling cat… Or so I’ve heard.

7. The World Health Organisation – Mr Heckles

No-one wants to engage with Mr Heckles, the crazy downstairs neighbour who keeps banging on the floor with a broom and shouting “Test for cases! Trace and isolate contacts! Use adequate personal protective equipment!”

Ugh, the WHO. Such a pain.

8. The Novel Coronavirus – Janice

Much like coronavirus, I’m pretty sure that Janice doesn’t have a surname.* They both seem to have the ability to pop up literally anywhere, no matter how much they’re not wanted. And once you’ve been involved with Covid 19, it seems like it’s pretty difficult to break up.

*Yes, yes, apparently it’s Hosenstein, who knew?

Just for fun · pop culture

Why Boris Johnson and Joe Exotic are Practically the Same Person

Like everyone else on the planet, I’ve been watching Netflix’s Tiger King during lockdown. If you haven’t seen the show, I’ll warn you right now that this post won’t make a lot of sense. Anyway, I was of course immediately struck by the remarkable similarities between the semi-moronic egomaniac obsessed with power, and the… you know, the other semi-moronic egomaniac obsessed with power. And so, I present: eight reasons why Boris Johnson and Joe Exotic are practically the same person.

Why Boris Johnson and Joe Exotic Are Practically The Same Person

1. They’re both American.

Let’s start with the obvious. Joe Exotic was born in Kansas. Boris Johnson was born in New York.

2. They both use ridiculous names for their public persona.

Joe Exotic was born Joseph Schreibvogel, a name which completely fails to convey any sense that its owner may be America’s most prolific tiger breeder. Boris Johnson was born Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, a name which very much succeeds in conveying the sense that its owner is an overprivileged, bumbling racist.

3. They both lure younger people into their bedrooms.

If Netflix’s Tiger King is to be believed, Joe Exotic induces young, straight men into relationships using the magic of meth. Boris Johnson, on the other hand, is under investigation for potential misconduct in a public office, after allegations that he gave his mistress, Jennifer Arcuri, public funds and access to foreign trade missions. Which of course might explain what she saw in a dumpy, spam-faced gentleman twenty years her senior.

4. They both have trademark bleach-blonde hairstyles.

Frankly it’s hard to say which hairdo is worse. But there’s certainly something about the bleached blonde colour that really brings out those reddish-pink tones in the skin.

eight reasons why boris johnson and joe exotic from tiger king are practically the same person the sickly mama blog

5. They both vastly overestimate their ability to hold high political office.

Joe Exotic ran for President. Boris Johnson ran for Prime Minister. The only real distinction there is the number of other people each of them managed to fool into supporting them.

6. They both blame all their problems on an evil external entity.

In Joe Exotic’s case, all of life’s ills can be blamed on that bitch, Carole Baskin. Boris Johnson, on the other hand, prefers to blame the European Union. However, it should be noted that there’s absolutely no evidence that the European Union killed its husband and fed him to a tiger.

7. They both have someone pulling their strings from behind the scenes.

Boris Johnson has the murky shadow of “political advisor” Dominic Cummings looming over him like a creepy puppet master. According to Netflix’s Tiger King, Joe Exotic’s ex-business partner Jeff Lowe manoeuvred himself into position to take control of Joe’s zoo and conveniently land Joe in prison for soliciting murder for hire.

8. They both have ill-judged musical careers.

Thanks to Tiger King, Joe Exotic is now famed for such dittos as Here Kitty Kitty and I Saw A Tiger. Boris Johnson, on the other hand, once sung Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds to a group of journalists, and once heard it will never be forgotten.

Your Thoughts on Boris Johnson and Joe Exotic…

Have you been addicted to watching Netflix’s Tiger King during lockdown? Can you think of any similarities that I’ve missed between Boris Johnson and Joe Exotic? Let me know in the comments!